First steps to healing

After 4 long years of infertility (that's 48 monthly reminders that I am not pregnant) it is not hard to believe I have fallen into a pit lately. Allowing myself to wallow for a couple of months I have decided that it is time I started fighting like a girl to claw my way out of this sorrow-filled place of endless darkness. 

Here marks my first steps to healing (well maybe not to healing but at least to getting through a day without uncontrolled waterworks).

FIRST STEPS

I have just removed all chronic baby talkers from my newsfeed on Facebook. 

This isn’t because I’m not happy for them. 

I am. 

It is because I need to look after myself. 

I need to stop re-bullying myself 

every day, 

through contestant reminders 

that I do not have my own baby 

to hold 

and take pictures of 

and tell the world about. 

Through contestant reminders 

I don’t have my own baby 

who looks so much like me 

or who laughs just like it’s father. 

I just need to give myself a break 

and this is 

the 

first 

step 

in doing that.

'Helpful' tip #284: Just don't think about it!

More of my favourite advice on becoming pregnant. "Just don't think about it and it will happen."

Just don’t think about it

You are right.

I should ignore

The megaphones connected to my ovaries

The loud speaker connected to my vagina

The amplifier connected to my uterus

The heightened sensors in my breasts.

Actually,

I think I might just go ahead

And turn them all off.

Could you please

Show me where?

'Helpful' Tip #109: It can happen!

One of the things I hate about suffering from infertility is all the 'help' and 'advice' I get. I try not to get angry at the person saying it because they are just trying to be kind and help give me hope but I wish they realised how it made me (and other infertility sufferers) feel. I have taken to writing poetry lately as a release. (Why on earth didn't I start this earlier?) Here is my poem on this very topic:

It CAN happen

A lady at work

Has a daughter

Who got pregnant

After her 1st round of IVF.

Really?

Yes.

Well my friend’s sister

Who is a size 12 in tops

And 10 in bottoms

And has blonde hair

With brown eyes

And was born on a Saturday

Has a dog

And she named it Tom.

Does it get my point across?