New found freedom

About 3 months ago I made a decision.

I was watching an episode of 60 Minutes featuring a rugby player who had become a quadriplegic and he was speaking about how much he missed the simple things like walking and running.

Sitting on the couch that evening I realised I had everything this man wanted and was taking it ALL for granted! 

An ex gymnast and springboard diver, I am fortunate to have a body made for running and here I was, lazing about and kidding myself about how active and healthy I was! 

I had been eating excuses for breakfast for far too long.

I made a commitment to myself that night; I would run for all those who can't, I would start running simply because I can!

The next day I signed up to a running group for women in my local area. The group meets early one morning a week, starting at a 30 minute jog and slowly adding 5 minutes each week to build endurance.

Inspired by the coach to sign up to an organised race to keep us motivated, I signed up to the very lofty goal of the 10km Run Melbourne event. 10km!! I had never even dreamed of running that far before. Would I actually be able to make the distance!?

As it turns out, the coach was correct. It we signed up and paid for the race, we would be motivated to get out of bed on those -2 degree mornings and do the training we needed to get done. Before long at all, I did my first 10km run one morning as part of a run with the group. Although I was super proud of my achievement, my once lofty goal slowly deflated in front of me as I realised this goal no longer scared the pants off me... time to develop a new goal!

And that is the story of how I came to decide that I would run a half marathon! 

This endo warrior, who was only 6 months ago on the operating table having more adhesions removed and having adenomyosis diagnosed, was now going to aim for a half marathon run. With only 3 months to train for it, THAT goal really did scare the pants off me!

That was, until last weekend...

When I accidentally achieved the goal without really meaning to...

Having never been on a women's weekend away, I signed up to the 'Luxury Run Camp' run by my coach. Part of the camp involved a long distance run on the Saturday. Two distances were offered, 10km and 30km. I was obviously going to do the shorter distance, however 10km was nowhere near enough, now that I had already reached that goal. Along with a couple of other girls, we decided we would run 15km with an actual secret goal of 18km (the things you have to tell yourself to get yourself to run futher!)

After a pit stop at the 10km mark to tape up some of my persistent blisters, we turned and started heading back the way we came. We ran and we ran, supporting each other along the way. 10km turned in to 15km, which turned in to 18kms and then we were 'so close to home' that we thought we may as well keep going. 21 kms later, absolutely exhausted but incredibly proud, we pulled up stops and celebrated my first half marathon distance!

This is something I never would have dreamed of doing, let alone after all my issues with endo and adeno. 

(As a side note, I did run the 10km Run Melbourne event and smiled the whole entire way. A beautiful sunny day running along the Yarra River with thousands of other people, all achieving their own goals along side you- What a way to celebrate the fact that we are lucky enough to be able to run!

I didn't do a PB on this day because I was too busy soaking up the atmosphere, I was desperate to find out the stories and goals behind every single runner in the race and spent much of my time striking up conversation with those around me to find out their back stories- from people who used to run as kids to people who only come out for this one event every year to people trying to overcome a mid life crisis. It was fascinating!)

Before typing this entry I reread all my posts on this blog and reflected on how far I have come both physically and, probably more importantly, mentally.

Running (as well as riding and swimming) have absolutely been the driving force behind my positive mental health. 

There is nothing more freeing and refreshing than an early morning run chatting with other gorgeous women while inhaling the crisp clean air we are so lucky to have here in Australia. 

I recently emailed my the leader of my endo support group and she commented on the fact that some studies are now finding that exercise appears to be a factor in cancer recovery/staying in remission for some cancers. Research is also starting to suggest that some cancers are estrogen dependent. She pondered if, hearing my huge improvements in health and wellbeing, exercise might use up or suppress extra estrogen and how this could be investigated/measured.

Studies aside, I know four things:

• Running is making me stronger in more ways than one (physically, mentally and emotionally)
• It is contributing to improved mental health for me
• It has forced endo to take a back seat while I get on with my life (I am no longer someone with endo, I am a runner!)
• I am off to hunt for a new scary goal...

Running at Run Melbourne 'because I can!'

Two week wait

2 week wait

Waiting,
Feeling,
Thinking,
An unpleasant mixture of hopes and fears.

Waiting,
Feeling,
Thinking,
Another hour survived.
Suppressed and secretive joy at lasting an entire day.
Persistent and noxious weed like thoughts of "what if"
Attempting to pervade,
To infiltrate.

A day spent inexhaustibly spraying
The persistent creepers.
Clear recollections of the last time this path was travelled,
A dark pit of lost dreams lies ahead.
Although one more hour has just passed..
Maybe...
What if...

Waiting,
Feeling,
Overthinking.


2 week wait- part 2
The day's armour falls to the floor,
Removing with it
the mask
that has provided refuge
through a day of
emotionless meetings.
The steaming hot water
no defence
against the
cold,
lonely,
hollowness
from within.

Thoughts
of the possibility
of NEVER
leave a crumpled mess
upon the shower floor.

No more waiting
No more feeling.

First steps to healing

After 4 long years of infertility (that's 48 monthly reminders that I am not pregnant) it is not hard to believe I have fallen into a pit lately. Allowing myself to wallow for a couple of months I have decided that it is time I started fighting like a girl to claw my way out of this sorrow-filled place of endless darkness. 

Here marks my first steps to healing (well maybe not to healing but at least to getting through a day without uncontrolled waterworks).

FIRST STEPS

I have just removed all chronic baby talkers from my newsfeed on Facebook. 

This isn’t because I’m not happy for them. 

I am. 

It is because I need to look after myself. 

I need to stop re-bullying myself 

every day, 

through contestant reminders 

that I do not have my own baby 

to hold 

and take pictures of 

and tell the world about. 

Through contestant reminders 

I don’t have my own baby 

who looks so much like me 

or who laughs just like it’s father. 

I just need to give myself a break 

and this is 

the 

first 

step 

in doing that.

A self infliction of sorts

I am doing it tough time this week. I know it is my own fault as I gave in to temptation and enjoyed a few glasses of red and some delicious chocolates. Knowing this though doesn't make the pain any easier to deal with. I have had a reminder this week that I need to be stronger when I don't have the pain to reduce the possibility of days like today. 

Doing it tough

I don’t want sympathy or stories,

I want strength.

Give me the strength to claw my way out of this deep black hole.

Better still,

Give me the strength to stop myself from sliding in in the first place.

Give me the strength to believe

in possibilities,

in better days,

in the dream of the pitter-patter of little feet.

Give me the strength to disregard the feeling of letting down the one I love,

the guilt and the regret for things I can’t provide him.

Give me the strength to have enough control to save important decisions for a better day,
And to make the right decisions on days like today.

Give me the strength to start again next month,

to resist the temptations of trigger foods and to believe that it is all worth it in the end.

I don’t need sympathy or stories,

I simply need strength.

A book worth reading

I have just finished reading David Emerald’s book ‘The Power of TED* - The Empowerment Dynamic’ and am very glad that this book was recommended to me by the facilitator of a leadership course I am currently participating in.
Essentially, the Empowerment Dynamic is about changing our focus from that of the victim to that of the creator in order to make more of our lives and to reach our full potential. I found myself wearing many different hats throughout this book as I related the empowerment dynamic to my work life, my home life and my medical condition- endometriosis (and the associated infertility).

Short summary of some of the roles in TED* (It will never do the book justice but I will try…) 
Victim- The role of the victim is characterised by someone who feels powerless and has experienced some loss, thwarted desire or aspiration or the death of a dream. (Eg. Feeling powerless against a bully at work, the suffering due to infertility caused by endometriosis, having endo in the first place etc)
Persecutor- The persecutor serves as the cause of the Victim’s perceived powerlessness, reinforcing the ‘poor me’ identity. (Doing an award winning job of playing this role is the Endo and infertility)
In the book Emerald outlines how we can shift our focus from that of the Victim to that of the Creator. Creator- This is the antidote to the powerless victim. A Creator greatly increases their ability to choose a response to life circumstances rather than merely reacting to them.
Challenger- Serves as an antidote to the Persecutor who provokes a reaction from a Victim, a Challenger is a catalyst for change, learning and growth for a Creator.

So, how does it work? We need to stop focussing on the problems in our lives (the endo for example) and start focusing on what we want in and of our lives. If you could have or do or be anything your heart desired right now, what would that look like? Remember to think big! (Remember also that you need to think about what you DO want not what you DON’T want. Saying- “I want to focus on not being sick” is a negative and just won’t cut it).
The next step is to think of some short achievable goals you can focus on that will help you move towards achieving your new vision. Once you have done that then you need to start taking action- get creating!
Note: The book goes in to much more detail than I have here and actually explains all the roles with great examples and even tells you how you can go about doing all the things required in each role.

My learnings from this book. 
 I need to look at my Endo as a challenge. It has challenged me to get creative and rethink some things. Every challenge has an opportunity for learning though and I need to take time to reflect on all the things I have learnt through having Endo. As a start I know I am a much stronger person than I thought I was and I have learnt how to look after my body and have developed a much healthier lifestyle as a result of having it. For that I am thankful. I need to really think long and hard about what I want in my life and what I can do to achieve this. I have already started down this path and am enjoying the opportunities that being a creator rather than a Victim have afforded me. Ultimately I realise I need to stop focusing on Endo as my life. It is not my life, it is not even a huge part of my life but it has wheedled its way in to being a central part of it at the moment and is absorbing all of my energy. I need to refocus and ensure that endo only gets the tiny bot of attention it should have in my life.

My advice for others.
Read this book, think big and stop sleepwalking through life in the role of the Victim. Take charge and be a creator!

Thanks to Kat for this very appropriate image :)

'Helpful' tip #284: Just don't think about it!

More of my favourite advice on becoming pregnant. "Just don't think about it and it will happen."

Just don’t think about it

You are right.

I should ignore

The megaphones connected to my ovaries

The loud speaker connected to my vagina

The amplifier connected to my uterus

The heightened sensors in my breasts.

Actually,

I think I might just go ahead

And turn them all off.

Could you please

Show me where?

'Helpful' Tip #109: It can happen!

One of the things I hate about suffering from infertility is all the 'help' and 'advice' I get. I try not to get angry at the person saying it because they are just trying to be kind and help give me hope but I wish they realised how it made me (and other infertility sufferers) feel. I have taken to writing poetry lately as a release. (Why on earth didn't I start this earlier?) Here is my poem on this very topic:

It CAN happen

A lady at work

Has a daughter

Who got pregnant

After her 1st round of IVF.

Really?

Yes.

Well my friend’s sister

Who is a size 12 in tops

And 10 in bottoms

And has blonde hair

With brown eyes

And was born on a Saturday

Has a dog

And she named it Tom.

Does it get my point across?

The endocoaster

Here is a visual of my life with endo. I regularly stop and think about where I am on the coaster. Today I am teetering on the edge ready to tip over to section 8 and the black hole below.

I thought it might be useful for my friends and family to see the insides of an endo mind during the different stages. I am also planning on writing a "what NOT to say" for each stage of the journey.
1. Start of period. “I can do this. This month I am going to reinvent myself. I am going to try something new. I will try naturopathy- that will fix it! Yes! I know it is going to be different this month!”
2. Reality sets in. Some negative thoughts creep in too. “How will this be different?”
3. “I don’t feel too bad. Maybe it is working? I will keep taking this Eye of Newt and slapping a wet fish over my head each morning. This might just be working…”
4. Ovulation pain. “Maybe if I keep busy I will pretend that my ovaries aren’t being stabbed to death with internal knives. Maybe, just maybe, if I sit down and meditate it won’t feel like I walked 100 kms this morning and now have a stich that just won’t go away…”
5. The 2 week wait. “It will be fine. No it won’t. I will stop thinking about it. I will stop thinking about it. I will stop thinking about it. It will be fine. No it won’t. It has never been fine up until now so why would it start? But I have been having all that acupuncture that will surely make a big difference…”
6. Pre-menstrual symptoms begin. “Oh great. Here we go again. Stupid lettuce only diet mustn’t have worked! Maybe I am just dreaming the symptoms up and they aren’t really symptoms and maybe the 100 vitamin tablets a day HAVE worked? Nope I am definitely irritable. Great. Here we go again. Well I hope the first and second day aren’t hell…”
7. Period starts. “I can’t freaking believe after all the stuff I have done that I still have to go through this sh*t. I just want to cut the bottom half of my body off. I know I hate taking any medication but I just want anything that will get rid of this incredible pain.
8. The tiredness sets in. “I just am not sure how much more of this crap I can go through. Why the bloody hell is this happening to me? How can I possibly put up with this sh*t for the rest of my life. Will there ever be any end to this f*cked up roller coaster I am on?”
9. The wallowing begins. (Note: section 9 is not compulsory- there is a special escape route that takes some coaster carriages from 8 straight back up to 1. The escape route is usually opened by a fortunate lack of sad songs on the radio and or a few wines with friends/family :)

After 8 it is a slow ascent up to 1 again with thoughts of what the next reinvention will be.(After all, Einstein's theory of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result...) "Maybe a trip to the fortune teller this time...or a weekly massage to reduce stress...maybe I will read yet another book of contradictory advice on how to fix endo".
And so the carriage goes up again for another emotionally charged ride on the month long Endocoaster. One thing is for sure, if I ever get my hands on the person controlling this thing they are in serious dog poo!


I would love your feedback. What does your Endocoaster look like? What can people do to help you at each section along the way?

My endo recipe book

When I finally decided I had to get serious about attacking this stupid endo I found myself lost in a world of "you cant's..." Can't eat that, can't eat this... etc etc.
I craved a mentor or a bible that I could refer to to point me in the right direction. Something I could use a point of reference to get me started. I couldn't find any books that had realistic recipes for real mums with the real families that also needed to be fed.
So, I started creating this endo recipe book to serve just that purpose.
Click here to access the book (hopefully it works this time) - remember it is not finished yet!!!
I would love your thoughts/feedback or any recipes etc you would be happy to add to it.

Converting others to my endo diet 'religion'

I recently read a blogpost titled: Is “Eating Healthy” like a new form of religion? Do we have to “believe” to get it? Are we just strange for doing it?
This article was focussed on the strange sensation one goes through when they 'see the light' on how changing your diet can positively impact your health and how you feel as if you are converting other people to a new religion when you try and spread the word about it. I nodded my head in agreement the entire way through reading this article as it really encompassed exactly how I have felt since I myself 'saw the light'.

How I came to see the light
In December 2010, after being told that my only real chance of falling pregnant was with IVF, I decided that I needed to take charge of what was happening with my body. I was not about to sit back and accept an unnatural (not to mention unconventionally expensive both financially and emotionally) method of conception. I felt I had to exhaust all avenues BEFORE turning to what I consider to be a last resort (not a first resort as believed by many doctors). I went and saw a naturopath/nutritionist who specialises in infertility. She asked me many questions about my current lifestyle, eating habits etc. She then explained what she believed I needed to do- I needed to follow a wheat/dairy/alcohol/potato free diet. I also needed to increase my consumption of nuts and vegies and turn to more natural foods in general. I commenced the wheat/alcohol free part of the diet immediately and after 3 days of withdrawals I sprung out of bed on the fourth day full of energy ready to take anything on. I couldn’t believe the huge hit of energy I gained just 1 week after cutting wheat from my diet. I also discovered after just 4 days of being on the diet that my permanent bloating had also gone- I realised that it is actually possible to eat a meal, feel full and NOT be bloated. This was a huge breakthrough for me!

Culling dairy from the diet
After 1 month on the wheat/alcohol free diet (with a slightly reduced intake of dairy) I continued to suffer knife stabbing pain with my period. Curled up on the couch in the foetal position I decided it was time to get serious. If I didn’t want to continue to put up with this then I had to do something about...say goodbye to the dairy for real. From that day forward I stopped all bovine dairy (except Greek style yoghurt as this was permitted by my naturopath). The change was again amazing. I felt even more energetic and lost weight as an added bonus! I found it much easier to cut dairy out of my diet this month as I read the amazing book “Endometriosis: A guide t healing and fertility through nutrition.” In this book Dianne the author explains that dairy is inflammatory to the endo and so contributes to the pain each month.

Converting others to my new religion
My naturopath said that the endo diet would probably take 3 months to take full effect on my period but for me it actually took 4 (probably because I wasn’t committed to the dairy from the start). I am not complaining though!! After following the diet for 4 months I had the first period in years that didn’t require ANY pain relief. I wasn’t completely pain free- I still did have pain- but it was nowhere near the levels I had previously experienced. The other hugely noticeable difference was how light it was (and has been ever since). I came to realise very quickly that there are no down sides to this diet- why isn’t everyone else following it? You get to feel awake, energetic and ‘light’, not have to worry about being knocked out with pain every period AND lose weight. I needed to let everyone know about this. Short of standing on a soap box down the mall with a megaphone I have tried to convert as many people as I can to this religion. To me it is insane- why isn’t everyone doing this? Why are we wasting millions of dollars every year on tablets and doctors visits when we could all be feeling this good? I have found that I even get super frustrated with other people now when I have friends saying how sluggish they always feel and how high their blood pressure is etc while they are sitting there eating a cheese laden deep fried parmagiana drinking a can of soft drink. I often think “can’t these people see the obvious?!”
However, just as mention in the article, when I try and offer snippets of my ‘religion’ I often get told that my diet is ‘insanely healthy’ or ‘ridiculously healthy’ as if it is ME who is the basketcase!
Oh well, I have seen the light and I shall follow it to the end...I will try and ‘save’ as many other people as I can along the way but I cannot force others to see what I now see as the bleeding obvious- your body puts out what it gets in. Junk in = junk out. Hallelujah to my naturopath for converting me and why on earth didn’t I see this light earlier?

The real effects of endo.

You can look at all the signs and symptoms on any health website: period pain, bloating, nausea, etc etc. but what are the REAL effects of endo?
Hoping that this is my last (possibly second last) period before my next big operation means 2 things...
1) I feel I definitely could not go through another draining, painful life sucking period
2) I thought I should blog about what it feels like to live with severe endo so I could look back at this in my post-op life and think how lucky I am that I no longer have to go through it every month. (It's wishful thinking I know)
So here goes...my life with endo.

When people think endometriosis means you get bad period pain I sometimes get annoyed. I don't think that explanation anywhere near conveys the pain associated with having a period.

I feel it is being passed off as a few cramps in the stomach and maybe a sore back.
For me the real pain of a period is debilitating. I cannot move. I simply cannot stand up and if I do I risk knife stabbing pains in my lower abdomen/ovaries and feeling that there is so much downwards pressure in my lower abdomen/bowel that all my insides could fall out at any minute. Along with the knife stabbing pain is a dull ache that will not go away. To reduce some of these pains I usually have numerous painkilling tablets and lay down in the fetal position without moving for at least an hour until the meds kick in. Even after the meds kick in the nagging aching feeling usually remains and I cannot function as a normal human for the rest of the day. My appetite is effected and I can't drink too much as it will cause extra downwards pressure due to my bladder expanding. Before I started eating a wheat free diet all this pain was compounded by the fact that my stomach was permanently bloated to the max (particularly around the time of my period) which meant that eating or drinking ANYTHING at period time made everything worse. Sometimes I had to force myself to have water just so I could have my tablets.

While that pain lasts 2 days for every period (so really only 2 days out of 30) it happens every month. I originally thought I could deal with this but as the years have progressed I am now at the point where I can not do it any more. It may only be 2 days but think of the ramifications of having that pain for 2 days every month. I have to look ahead on the calendar to see what is going to be effected. Will it be a weekend or a work day? Can I schedule my work day so I can sit down all day or get home quickly if I need to? Am I going to ruin a family holiday or a weekend away by not being human? You can see the how the ripples of suffering start to effect my immediate family.

Endometriosis is a disease suffered by the whole family- not just the individual.

Now that I have suffered from the disease for so long so much of my life has been affected by endo. The pain of endo goes on longer than the first 2 days of my period. I need to make sure I go to the toilet regularly to stop my bladder from expanding too much and causing pain. Almost anything to do with the bowel is painful. Nearly every time I go to the toilet I am reminded of endo in the form of more pain.

Pain during intercourse is also a side effect of endo. Luckily for me it is not every time and it is fine more often than it is not but I still worry about it. Nothing like anxiety to kill a good mood! Again, this effects my wonderful husband and reiterates that endo is a disease suffered by the whole family.

Aside from all that pain I think the thing I hate the most about endo is how controlling it is. It dictates what I can and can't do for 2 whole days every month (and a few times in between). It means that I miss out on participating in family events and basic things like helping my husband with housework. Sometimes I have so much pain that I can't stand up for long enough to get my own breakfast in the morning or to walk to the kitchen to fill my glass with water. I am just so lucky that my husband is so supportive and understanding and does all these things for me when I ask him to but I just hate having to ask. I hate becoming a complete burden on him every month. I hate laying still on the couch while he does all the work. I hate the fact that I would really love to do something productive while laying on the couch but my book is in the next room and I can't get up for 2 minutes just to get it.

I read a fantastic analogy of living with pain on a Facebook page today. When I read it I thought that it applies exactly to my life with endo. The author says that living with an illness is like starting the day with 12 spoons and you have to give 1 of them up for every draining task during the day. every day you need to balance up the activities that you do to ensure you have enough spoons left to deal with everything.

Well as I said- hopefully I will not have to put up with this for much longer. I will have surgery soon to remove as much endo as possible and then continue my wheat free / dairy free diet to make sure it doesn't ever get this bad again. Fingers crossed!

Please assist me with some research by completing this Endo survey

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My endo story

The early days
I'm a 27 years old and have suffered painful periods from around the age of 16 (from what I can remember). My twin sister suffers from endo as well.From about the age of 19 I thought that I too had endo but I didn't really do anything about it. I thought I would just put up with the excruciating period pain forever and there was nothing more to it.

Super helpful doctors (not) and trying to work out myself if I had endo
About 7 years ago I went to complain to the doctor about painful periods, she told me it was called dysmenorrhea (painful periods) and even gave me a printed out info sheet in it (how helpful). I returned to a different doctor about 4 years later determined to tell him I wanted a laparascopy. He told me the only way to fix it was to go on the pill. (Which I have never been interested in) He sent me for an internal ultrasound. This ultrasound showed nothing unusual although the examination itself was very very painful. As this ultrasound showed nothing the doctor did/suggested nothing further.

Talking myself out of endo
I talked myself out of my pain being endo as, after reading loads of info on endo websites, I realised that my periods weren't excruciating EVERY time- sometimes I had 2 or 3 'easy' ones in a row. Lots of websites said that the pain last the entire period too- my only lasted the first 2-3 days. My periods were only heavy on the first 2 days compared to the info on the websites. There were lots of differences between the info the websites and my symptoms. I must have been sooking about nothing, I was imagining things- the doctor was right it IS normal etc etc. I convinced myself it was nothing- I should get on with my life and just deal with it- after all, it was only 2 -3 days a month.

The one big symptom that cannot be dismissed...
My husband and I decided to start a family, we had held off until a checklist of milestones had been reached- credit card paid off, new house purchased, new pergola purchased etc etc. The time had come, all we had to do was fall pregnant. Shouldn't take too long .... After 6 months of waiting I started to lose hope and researched endo again...there it was- the deal breaking symptom- infertility!

An alternative approach to endo
A very good friend of mine had been going through IVF and she recommended Chinese Herbal Medicine to me. The fact that she was recommending this to me and she was THE biggest anti-natural therapies person I knew (besides my husband) made me realise that it must be good! I started seeing a Chinese herbalist in my town and she gave me 5 brown lunch bags full of bark and other plant items that I had never seen in my life. She warned me that it wouldn't taste nice but  I would get used to it. I was to boil it up for 1.5 hours hours and have half a cup in the morning and half a cup at night. It was soooo disgusting that on my first few days/weeks of it I had to have a sip of the jungle juice / goop (as I call it) and a mouthful of water. Disgusting!!! After only 2 months I noticed a very positive change in my pain-  I still had pain but not as bad and absolutely no period related back pain whatsoever.

Some symptoms had improved but not the big one...
Once we hit the 12 month mark I sent my husband off for a sperm test. It cam back fine and then I knew it was definitely me. I went back to the doctor and asked for a laparoscopy. He sent me for another ultrasound (again showing nothing) and referred me to a female gyno. I rang her office as soon as I got out of the doctor to try and get in as soon as possible. I had to wait 2.5 weeks to get int to see her (AGGGGEESSS in my book!) When I went and saw her there was no messing around. She ordered a laparascopy be done to see exactly what we were dealing with. I booked in (another 3 week wait). I had the surgery done and recovered retty quickly. I only had a week off work and hardly had any shoulder tip pain at all. After the surgery  was told I would have an appointment with her in 2 weeks to fins out how it went. I couldn't believe I had to wait that long to hear how it went!

2 weeks later, I got the verdict...
The gyno told me that I have severe endo and I would need to have further surgery that would need to be done by an endo removal specialist. She said it was everywhere including on my bowel. It is highly unlikely (if impossible) for me to fall pregnant naturally due to the damage caused by the endo (blocked tubes etc). IVF would be my only chance of falling pregnant. "Oh, and you have a weirdly shaped uterus, I think it's u shaped but we'll see what the specialist says when you see him"
I was devastated after hearing this news, bawled in the car and for the next few days. My husband was amazingly supportive (always is) and after a week I decided to pick myself up again and tackle this monster head on. I booked in to the specialist in Melbourne. A 3 month wait was the soonest appointment. More crying at the thought of waiting allllll that time. "Can't they do it tomorrow so I can get on with this?!" I decided I wasn't going to sit around and wait for things to happen to me, I need to do what I can while I can. Someone once said you are the writer of your own story. So that brings me to where I am now-

It is now Me VS the Endo.