Tuesday, October 9, 2012

A self infliction of sorts


I am doing it tough time this week. I know it is my own fault as I gave in to temptation and enjoyed a few glasses of red and some delicious chocolates. Knowing this though doesn't make the pain any easier to deal with. I have had a reminder this week that I need to be stronger when I don't have the pain to reduce the possibility of days like today. 

Doing it tough

I don’t want sympathy or stories,
I want strength.

Give me the strength to claw my way out of this deep black hole.
Better still,
Give me the strength to stop myself from sliding in in the first place.

Give me the strength to believe
in possibilities,
in better days,
in the dream of the pitter-patter of little feet.

Give me the strength to disregard the feeling of letting down the one I love,
the guilt and the regret for things I can’t provide him.

Give me the strength to have enough control to save important decisions for a better day,
And to make the right decisions on days like today.


Give me the strength to start again next month,
to resist the temptations of trigger foods and to believe that it is all worth it in the end.

I don’t need sympathy or stories,
I simply need strength.


Saturday, September 29, 2012

A book worth reading

I have just finished reading David Emerald’s book ‘The Power of TED* - The Empowerment Dynamic’ and am very glad that this book was recommended to me by the facilitator of a leadership course I am currently participating in.
Essentially, the Empowerment Dynamic is about changing our focus from that of the victim to that of the creator in order to make more of our lives and to reach our full potential. I found myself wearing many different hats throughout this book as I related the empowerment dynamic to my work life, my home life and my medical condition- endometriosis (and the associated infertility).

Short summary of some of the roles in TED* (It will never do the book justice but I will try…) 
Victim- The role of the victim is characterised by someone who feels powerless and has experienced some loss, thwarted desire or aspiration or the death of a dream. (Eg. Feeling powerless against a bully at work, the suffering due to infertility caused by endometriosis, having endo in the first place etc)
Persecutor- The persecutor serves as the cause of the Victim’s perceived powerlessness, reinforcing the ‘poor me’ identity. (Doing an award winning job of playing this role is the Endo and infertility)
In the book Emerald outlines how we can shift our focus from that of the Victim to that of the Creator. Creator- This is the antidote to the powerless victim. A Creator greatly increases their ability to choose a response to life circumstances rather than merely reacting to them.
Challenger- Serves as an antidote to the Persecutor who provokes a reaction from a Victim, a Challenger is a catalyst for change, learning and growth for a Creator.

So, how does it work? We need to stop focussing on the problems in our lives (the endo for example) and start focusing on what we want in and of our lives. If you could have or do or be anything your heart desired right now, what would that look like? Remember to think big! (Remember also that you need to think about what you DO want not what you DON’T want. Saying- “I want to focus on not being sick” is a negative and just won’t cut it).
The next step is to think of some short achievable goals you can focus on that will help you move towards achieving your new vision. Once you have done that then you need to start taking action- get creating!
Note: The book goes in to much more detail than I have here and actually explains all the roles with great examples and even tells you how you can go about doing all the things required in each role.

My learnings from this book. 
 I need to look at my Endo as a challenge. It has challenged me to get creative and rethink some things. Every challenge has an opportunity for learning though and I need to take time to reflect on all the things I have learnt through having Endo. As a start I know I am a much stronger person than I thought I was and I have learnt how to look after my body and have developed a much healthier lifestyle as a result of having it. For that I am thankful. I need to really think long and hard about what I want in my life and what I can do to achieve this. I have already started down this path and am enjoying the opportunities that being a creator rather than a Victim have afforded me. Ultimately I realise I need to stop focusing on Endo as my life. It is not my life, it is not even a huge part of my life but it has wheedled its way in to being a central part of it at the moment and is absorbing all of my energy. I need to refocus and ensure that endo only gets the tiny bot of attention it should have in my life.

My advice for others.
Read this book, think big and stop sleepwalking through life in the role of the Victim. Take charge and be a creator!

Thanks to Kat for this very appropriate image :)

Saturday, August 18, 2012

'Helpful' tip #284: Just don't think about it!

More of my favourite advice on becoming pregnant. "Just don't think about it and it will happen."

Just don’t think about it

You are right.

I should ignore

The megaphones connected to my ovaries

The loud speaker connected to my vagina

The amplifier connected to my uterus

The heightened sensors in my breasts.

Actually,

I think I might just go ahead

And turn them all off.

Could you please

Show me where?

'Helpful' Tip #109: It can happen!

One of the things I hate about suffering from infertility is all the 'help' and 'advice' I get. I try not to get angry at the person saying it because they are just trying to be kind and help give me hope but I wish they realised how it made me (and other infertility sufferers) feel. I have taken to writing poetry lately as a release. (Why on earth didn't I start this earlier?) Here is my poem on this very topic:


It CAN happen

A lady at work

Has a daughter

Who got pregnant

After her 1st round of IVF.

Really?

Yes.

Well my friend’s sister

Who is a size 12 in tops

And 10 in bottoms

And has blonde hair

With brown eyes

And was born on a Saturday

Has a dog

And she named it Tom.



Does it get my point across?